By Kahlilah Guyah
Growing up in New Jersey my neighbor and best friend was the product of an interracial couple—her mother white and her father black. At the time, this was extremely rare, as a matter of fact my friend was the only mixed race child I knew. She was the butt of many jokes—often called “zebra”; she found it difficult to identify with either race. We were childhood friends but drifted apart in our teenage years; however, this is an experience that I remember and you will shortly understand why.
Ten years later, in 2000, I relocated to South Florida in search of the perfect place to settle post graduate school. The culture in South Florida was so very different from anything I had ever experienced. There were people from all over the world but the Latin American and Caribbean countries were strongly represented and I attempted to become a student of the languages and cultures by which I was surrounded. This experience was very different because I was familiar with only black, white and a few Hispanics; but, during my first years in South Florida I became friends with people from Cuba, Jamaica, Bahamas, Belize, Honduras, Haiti, Barbados and many other countries.
One day a friend asked me what I thought of a certain gentleman who attended our church. I really did not know how to respond. I had known the guy for 3 years but we had interacted only on very superficial terms; I said “he’s okay but he’s ‘white’ and I don’t date ‘white guys.’”
After agreeing to go out with this guy I realized that I had more in common with the “white guy” than many of the African American men I had dated in the past. Nonetheless, I was still afraid of being labeled an interracial couple and having to bridge the cultural gap. No one in my family had ever dated outside of their race; a million questions plagued my mind– What would my parents and friends say? Will his family accept me? How will we be viewed in public especially in places outside of South Florida where mixed couples are not the norm?
It was easier than I expected to adjust to our differences, which by the way were very minimal, and to embrace our commonalities. In 2004 I married this “white guy” who is actually Jamaican Indian. I came to realize, “how deceiving first appearances and impressions can be!” We had our first child in 2006 and our second in 2009. I only recall discussing the topic of race once since we have been together—it has never really mattered. We were embraced by our families, our friends, and our community as a “normal” couple. How totally awesome is that? However, the question is: “is it so in every family, in every community?”
Interracial marriages have risen steadily since the ban of such marriages was lifted in 1967 in sixteen states beginning with Virginia. Census figures indicate black-white marriages have increased from 65,000 in 1970 to 422,000 in 2005 not to mention other interracial marriages.
Despite this increase, we still find areas of non acceptance as indicated by the 2009 case of the Louisiana Justice of the Peace, Keith Bardwell, who refused to marry an interracial couple. This case appears to be the exception and not the norm; but, does this mean that race relations are improving and race is no longer an issue throughout our communities?
While in your face racism seems to have diminished we still see racial disparities in education, the work place, unemployment statics, the criminal justice and the health care system. Perhaps, the ever increasing acceptance of racially diverse couples is a stepping stone toward the complete realization of diversity and equal treatment in the aforementioned systems and beyond.
Notwithstanding our need to fully embrace our differences, it is exciting to see the progress that has been made in the last generation and to envision the future.
(First published in DUNIA print Magazine Issue 1)
Kahlilah Guyah is the President of EHS Compliance Services Inc. (https://www.ehscsi.com), a consulting firm that creates, implements, maintains and improves environmental, health and safety (EHS) programs for small and mid-sized companies. She enjoys writing inspiring articles and helping people and companies accomplish their goals. Kahlilah is also the author of What Can We Learn from the World-Class Athletes of the Olympics? on DuniaMagazine.com.
DUNIA POLL
What is your top relationship no-no?
Loading ...
I am glad this is a thing in the past for you because men are men regardless their race….personally I'ld say white guys make great mates
Well the husband wasn't white, he was Indian Jamaican. Who are we kidding? When we say white, we're not referring to the skin color but to any person of European descent. As an African woman, I know that I'll see as a personal failure ending with a white man. I have lived in both Europe and North America for years and boy, I hate the Eurocentrist views of white people. It's like there is nothing aside the way they see things. They rule the world so they know everything. I really hate the stupid questions about the hair, the clothes, the food that you have to answer when you date a white person. As a minority, you just have to shut up and adapt to the dominant culture. Yet, white people, they don't have to adapt: they just expect you to be like them. I can't imagine being married to someone who is from a culture which knows nothing about seeing things from other people's perspective. Any race but Caucasian.