Forgetting is not the same as Forgiving
by Imane Fawzy Nofal
Photo by graur codrin
Well, I don’t know what the dictionary says, but to me Forgive and Forget are two totally different words in meaning, although they sound somewhat similar. Personally, I would define ‘forgetting’ as the art of transferring memories (good or bad) into a dark side of the brain that retains them and like flashes, re-reminds us of them every now and then, creating ups and downs in our lives. Meanwhile, forgiving on the other hand is the art of eliminating bad memories and hence leaving space only for the good ones.
These two terms though seemingly similar have very opposite effects on us. Forgetting is not an act; it is natural, for all human beings forget things, whether they liked to or not. The ability to forget is a blessing of God in disguise on the human race. Imagine if we were to constantly remember, recount and re-live all negative experiences and humiliations with the same painful clarity. Simply put, our psyche would collapse.
To forgiving on the other hand to me, is an art and a talent — for those who are intelligent and good enough to do it. Forgiving is not as simple to describe, no. It entails training the brain to ‘delete’ and erase the memories in the dark side (dumped there when we ‘forget’). It takes patience, practice, discipline, tolerance, goodness and a strong character — which implant in us the belief that the so called ‘bad’ in this life do not matter and one should never bear a black mark on the sheet of their life.
I am talking in general terms; I understand that to some people certain things are ‘unforgivable’ — like a man insulting his wife, a son hitting his dad, a friend cheating his friend; these betrayals and others, we do ‘fix’ and forget, but do we completely forgive? Why do they still have the power to wipe off a smile and bring us to tears? Why are they still capable of squeezing our hearts with ache? Although we move on and continue to love them, at the bottom of our hearts, we know they have left us with thorns that continue to hurt. In our hearts, we wish we had the ability to dump them and continue as if it never happened — even as we keep loving and enjoying life with these loved ones.
However, there are those unlike most of us who have the power to accept and forgive these transgressions; an adoring wife willing to give her husband a second chance, a loving father who has no choice but to drop his ego and seek a relationship with his child, a loyal friend who chooses to remember the good times, etc. These people should be the ones we envy. They live in a sublime state of peace and happiness. We might think of them as spineless, or dumb, but their days are filled with brightness as they savor the sweetness of life.
Hence I conclude, God bless those ‘weak’ ones who forgive and may He make us, at least me, one of them. Let’s learn to not only forget, but forgive as well!
Imane blogs at Express It 2 Live It
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