The DON’Ts To Avoid In Your Relationship

relationship mistakes to avoid

Is there such a thing as a “perfect relationship?” Most of my friends seem to think my husband of 5 years and I have the perfect relationship, with no misunderstandings. The reality is that we have a ‘God fearing’ marriage, one that is grounded in the Word of God. That goes without saying that we have worked hard to make sure that anything that comes between us, does not stay in-between us.

In an era were relationships in crisis are becoming increasingly common, we all need to start investing more time, making better choices and putting forth the effort to keep our relationships in the cliché state of “happily ever after”. One big difference between a relationship that is successful and one that isn’t lies in the way partners choose to express themselves. The following pointers will help you self-evaluate. Here is are a few things that have helped my relationship the most:

Stop talking about what happens in your relationship to your friends.

I cannot emphasize this enough. Most couples tend to their friends with every little thing that happens in their relationships. The problem is, if you trust your friends more than you trust your partner, then may I suggest that your partner might not be the one your heart is beating for?! If you love someone unconditionally, you will do all that is in your power to defend them amongst your friends and not tear them down. How do you expect your partner to trust you when everything that happens between you is being reported to your friends? How can your friends respect your partner? Your friends will tell you without hesitation or reflection what they think, and if you are foolish enough like I was before, you will go take action based on their advice. When finally you are separated, the same friends will be the ones mocking or laughing at you.

Instead, take your problems to The Righteous One. The one who will never fail, JESUS, the answer to all our problems. He knows what’s best for us. He knows how to calm our fears. Through the years, I have developed a strategy that has worked so well in my marriage. When my husband and I disagree, I make out time to go into a room where I can be alone and open-up a Microsoft Word document on my computer. I start off the document with “Dear God”, and then I express all the hurtful things I want to tell my husband in that note to God. Surprisingly, I have found that all the letters I have written always end in a resolution. In the middle of writing, something always happens in my mind. I find myself writing and praying for everybody but my husband and then finally him. This has always worked for me. It may not work for you — but I believe we serve one God and although we may go to God in different ways, the results are always the same.

Below is an example of one of my letters to the Father when I was heated up in a disagreement with my husband.

Lord, I feel depressed right now and I don’t like it.
So many things on my mind.
My mind feels like it is spinning around and around because of hurt and frustration.
First, I wish I had my mother here now or someone I can talk to or trust or lean on. I want to talk to someone but I know you are reading this as I type.
I pray for my future , children, love, and all. Lord, give me the strength and the wisdom n direction to make this difficult night. I call upon the name of Jesus to be released from the enemy’s traps. I am free and I am happy and I rebuke the enemy over my home, marriage, finances, family, friends, country, school, future and may you make a table for me in the presence of my enemies Lord.
I love you n forgive me for anything I have done that is not pleasing to you.
Help me to please you only, and not man Lord. Have a good night lord.I love you lord Jesus…. You have had my back and I love you more and more. I commit tomorrow into your hands. I commit my husband and career and family into your hands. U got me!!! I got you!! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

After this particular letter, I was sobbing and walked back downstairs to my husband who was on his knees praying for peace in our marriage too. When he saw me, he started smiling and I walked right into his arms. You know the “I am sorry” follows after this.

Here is a list of DON’Ts in a Relationship — if practiced repeatedly, these behaviors can ruin ‘love’. I hope to elaborate on this list more in the future. Figuring out the DOs from this list should be effortless:

  •  Don’t forget to take a minute daily to pray for your spouse and family.
  • Don’t always have the last word.
  • Don’t always try to prove a point.
  • Don’t always trigger a response in a heated argument.
  • Don’t talk from your head. Think of the consequences.
  • Don’t ever use words that will tear your partner down.
  • Don’t be ashamed of their mistakes.
  • Don’t hesitate to offer them a hand when they are down.
  • Don’t gossip about them to your friends and family.
  • Don’t cheat on them.
  • Don’t ever get physically violent with your partner
  • Don’t allow the children to be aware of your heated arguments.
  • Don’t run away from compromise.
  • Don’t shy away from telling in a calm and loving voice exactly how you feel.
  • Don’t disappear from your family.
  • Don’t forget God’s word and His unconditional love.
  • Don’t forget to call on Jesus for help in times of need.
  • Don’t forget to express your love to your partner even in the middle of heated arguments.
  • Don’t forget to make your partner, your best friend. The one you trust more than any of your friends.

I wish you the best in your relationships as I continue to take this walk of faith myself.

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