How to Balance Family and Business Without Feeling Guilty

work family balance

How do we tackle the challenges of being good parents and productive entrepreneurs and workers at the same time, without our families and work feeling the pinch? Some months ago, I was made to think about this by a question my daughter asked me. Over the years, I have learned to find that balance between family and business without feelings of guilt and I will speak from experience.

I am a mother of three. It was 3.30 PM on a Monday afternoon. My kids had just come back from school and as always, my home was filled with energy. My little boy who was two years old at the time was bouncing off the walls with excitement as he always does when his big sister and brother get home from school – playtime! In a minute, the two boys were fighting over some toy. My older son, 5 sometimes does not let his younger brother take toys away from him … it seems he tries to assert himself as the big brother. Although they get along pretty well, it is not uncommon for fights to erupt over toys. No matter how hard we try to get toys in pairs, there’s always one toy the other doesn’t have, or one might prefer the other’s color, or one may pick his up first and the other especially the younger one instead of going to look for his, immediately goes to take it from him, etc, etc.

But on this Monday afternoon, as I was preparing something for them to eat, I encouraged them to go play upstairs in their room after I broke up this brief fight. A few moments after, older son ran downstairs yelling (at the top of his voice), “Mommy, Afu wrote on the walls!” … sending me into a panic! (my husband says I am a clean freak, ha,ha,ha.).

“He what? Where?” I dashed upstairs to an innocently grinning son, got down to his level and shook my finger at him, “No, no, no! Don’t do this again. See,” I pointed to the writing on the wall, “this is messy. Don’t do it again, OK?” He nodded as I took the red marker away from him, which obviously one of the kids had left lying around.

Back downstairs, I found the food I had left cooking now burning on the stove. I was getting frustrated. The noise, kids running around the house, my cell phone ringing, the videophone ringing, the kids’ friends knocking on the door so they could come out and play, etc were getting to me. Meanwhile, my daughter, 7 was sitting on the kitchen table, looking through her school work. She came over to me as I attended to the food and asked, “Mommy, which is more difficult: the business or taking care of us?”

That stopped me in my tracks and I began to laugh. Wow, what a question! I had never thought of it this way. OMG. It took me a minute to get my thoughts together and I said to her, “I don’t know Abby, but I sure love taking care of you guys. Nothing comes close to that, it is what gives me the most pleasure and makes me “mommy”. You are one smart little girl, child. Give me 5!” We gave each other a hug, laughing. “You know how it is with your brothers, Abby.”

That’s a typical day at my house and millions of homes across the world. It sums up the experience of having to juggle parenthood and work, especially working from home. Abby’s question which I still think about today cut right to the core of it; we all know that taking care of children as a stay-at-home parent is a full-time job in itself, and it gets more full-time the more children you have. Many parents have let go of businesses and work in order to focus on family, and on the other hand, many children today suffer a disconnect because their parents are too busy building businesses to give them the attention they need. How do you commit to the two, and not let one over-shadow the other?

Between changing diapers, cleaning bottles and sippy cups, keeping an eye on kids to make sure they are safe, cooking, feeding, laundry, groceries, cleaning, reading to them, homework, taking care of a sick child, breaking up and mediating fights, watching them as they play outside, being active in school activities, taking them to games, etc … your day is spent, both psychologically and physically … and then you have to work a business on top of that? How do you find the time or energy? Here are some tips:

  • 1. Take time to establish a fixed schedule for your kids, including daytime nap-times, bed-times, feeding times, play time, etc. This helps organize your day, and gives you time to get some work done in between.
  • 2. Raise disciplined kids. Although kids will always be kids, they do learn to respect rules and boundaries from an early age. My kids are capable of sitting and watching children’s TV while I work. From an earlier age I teach them the things they can’t do and shouldn’t touch, this helps develop an early understanding of rules.
  • 3. Come up with a schedule for yourself and allocate enough time for business. Unfortunately, you can’t be on a 9 to 5 shift while working from home. Those are hours when you are most likely to be busy with your kids. The dilemma is, those are perfect hours to conduct business as well because that’s when everyone – clients, customers, vendors, business partners, etc – are available, so what do you do? I recommend that you keep those hours open for making and receiving phone calls, don’t be afraid to apologize if your kids cry, yell or demand your attention while you are on the phone, most folks understand that you’re running a home based business. Schedule other business activities (like sending out emails, taking on-line trainings, conducting team calls, reading, etc) after the kids have gone to bed (which for my kids is usually 8pm); or early in the morning before they awake.
  • 4. Get help. Take time off parental duties at least once a week by arranging for help by calling in a nanny or taking them to a baby-sitter in order to catch up or attend face-to-face meetings.
  • 5. Have dedicated family-only-days, in which the kiddies and your spouse/partner are the only focus of the day! This should be done every week. An outing to the park, a restaurant, movies, or just lazing around works perfectly. This is very satisfying and permits you to not feel guilty when you eventually get back to business.

You will find that nurturing your family and spending enough time with loved-ones always leaves you feeling fulfilled. And of course working on something you love leaves you with a sense of purpose,
accomplishment and satisfaction. By the way, the income that you generate helps in providing a better life for your family.

Finding that priceless balance requires planning and discipline. You don’t really have to give one up for the other. Embrace both worlds and you will find that 24 hours are sufficient to be super-parent and successful entrepreneur.

(also published in DUNIA Magazine PRINT issue 5)

Lema’s website is www.lemaabeng.com; Twitter: @LemaAbeng

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