Dating African Women: 5 Ways African Men Can Become Better Partners

(Dating African Women was first published in DUNIA Magazine print as ‘5 Things African Women Expect From Their Men’)

This article was inspired by a comment left by Mams Fonkeng on the article ‘5 Reasons Why African Men Make Good Husbands‘

Her comment read: dating african women

Let me start by acknowledging the fact that there are indeed a few African men who are truly gentlemen, but they are very few in number. I am not sure about the men around you, but those who are in my entourage are a direct opposite of those qualities that you mentioned.

  • I wonder what happened to those days when there was true love. African men are very disrespectful. If an African man did something that vexed his woman, he feels like saying he’s sorry would make him less of a man, so he puts up an attitude, thereby using reverse psychology.
  • An African man will not say “baby I love you” especially not around his friends; he thinks this will make him less of a man.
  • African men could go for months without sex, because they are pre-occupied with their own self-centered issues.
  • An African man will only discuss finances with his woman if she is bringing home some change. An African woman looks at her man as a brother, while the husband looks at his wife as a partner.
  • An African man could care less how his woman looks when they go out, but will admire a well dressed woman at the same party. Even when his wife strives to look good for the party, hardly will an African man say  “baby, you look good”.
  • An African man never remembers his wife’s birthday, the wife on the other hand starts planning in advance for her man’s birthday.
  • An African wife will rather starve herself and save the last food in the pot for her husband, but when he returns from “who knows where”, he doesn’t care to ask “Baby did you already eat something?”
  • An African man does not pay attention to his wife’s lingerie; as he does not notice how beautiful his wife is.
  • An African husband does not know his wife’s parents’ telephone number, but the wife will tell him his parents’ phone number in a heart beat.
  • If you show an African man that you can lift heavy stuff around the house, or do little chores like changing the light bulb, then his wife becomes the weight lifter in the house.
  • Both the African man and his wife return from work; the wife goes straight into the kitchen to make food for the family, Mr. Man will make himself comfy on the couch and after food is ready, Mr. Man will eat and not say “Thank you baby”.
  • An African man is quick to say “dress the kids up” for an event, but does not ask himself “when was the last time he bought clothes for the kids?”

African men still have a long way to go, before they can truly appreciate a woman for the up keep of the family. I am sorry guys, but this was just my take on this very serious issue; which I personally think should be discussed on every forum. Lots of women are not being treated inhumanely by our African men. Thanks, Mams Fonkeng

Dating African Women Secrets for African Men

5 Ways African Men Can Become Better Husbands
by Lema Abeng | Twitter: @LemaAbeng

dating african women

The African woman is raised to be a positive role model and source of pride and inspiration for her family. She is supportive, mature, graceful, responsible and generally nurturing. Over the years, she has not had much of a voice, mainly because it is [or was] fundamentally believed in the African culture that “the woman’s place is in the kitchen”, but thankfully, due to education and modernity, this seems to be changing in many ways.

The African girl child is becoming empowered, the women are finding their voices, capturing audiences and speaking out. This is why Mams’ response (above) on DuniaMagazine.com to 5 Reasons Why African Men Make Good Husbands (an article which was inspired by my dad (RIP) and my husband) is important in getting African men to start hearing what the women are saying.

Please permit me to point out that not all African men treat their women like crap and tend to suck in relationships, however, I think we all agree (especially judging from the slew of comments left under the above mentioned article) that a fundamental change in mindset is necessary on how African men generally treat their women.

That being said, here are 5 ways African men can become better husbands based on the fundamental expectations of their African women:

LOVE: Every woman deserves to be loved, pampered and made to feel special. There’s a need for African men to start reprograming themselves to realize that women are not tools or a means to an end; they are human beings with needs and feelings. His role is to love, honor and protect her. She deserves a romantic man who remembers to tell her, “I love you, honey … you are my queen…”

RESPECT: Yes, the African man has the tendency to think that the woman is lucky to have him and hence fails to honor her at the drop of a pin, “… she won’t leave me, where would she go? Nobody’s going to want her…” One thing is sure, most African women remain completely committed to their relationships and would do anything to make their marriages work, but that’s no excuse for the men to act like douche-bags; rather, her efforts in trying to maintain the integrity of her family unit need to be applauded. Stop cheating on her, don’t demean and disrespect her, and start being a man by honoring your woman. You are lucky to have her… oh, let me back up, you are both lucky to have each other. Women ought to feel valued in relationships.

DOWN TIME: She is not a maid, neither is she a machine that runs tirelessly 24/7. Although she tends to be mentally tough and will do what she has to do to keep the household running, the African woman needs a man who is responsible (able to hold his own end), helpful and gentle; one who makes life easier for her, not one who adds to her troubles and stress. She deserves a compassionate Prince Charming who takes her out to dinner, showers her with gifts, plans vacations for her and shows her the good life.

COMMUNICATION: She is a woman, remember? She likes to express her feelings and vent, “Baby, we need to talk!” Although men tend to flee from emotional discussions about matters of the heart, always remember that she needs your ears. She also wants to share in your thoughts, plans and experiences. The African man tends to make his decisions, execute them and if/when his woman finds out, good for her. She needs a partner, a confidant and someone she can be silly with.

APPRECIATION: The African woman needs to hear her man say, “Thank you for all you do, baby”. He should be able to tell her how good she is doing, how much she means to him and how he can’t make it without her (LOL … is this asking too much?). Acknowledge her efforts, don’t be dismissive of how hard she works to support the home. Learn to whisper sweet nothings to her and proudly tell the world she is your queen.

The question: “What is the importance of relationships?” was posed on Wiki.answers.com. The top ranked answers were: “It allows someone to feel that they are loved and that they have a purpose in life.“, and “I say that the importance in a relationship is having your partner in life to be your rock. To be the one person you can count on 100% of the time. Life is one tough thing to get through. You need that ally on your side to be the one to pick you up, to get you through, to be the reason you wake up and try everyday as hard as you can. Because they need you and you need them.”

Marriage is supposed to be a union of two who become one, it’s about teamwork, a partnership and unconditional love … isn’t love supposed to be kind, isn’t it supposed to feel good? Marriage is more than a societal expectation, it is about a person in our lives, another human being. How we treat them should be of utmost importance. Guys, pay attention to her. Treat your women like the jewels they truly are.

While I would like to applaud those men who truly are good husbands, I hope these points help strengthen the love necessary in building solid relationships and happy families in communities around the world. Marriage should not just be a relationship women have to put up with, it should be an exciting phase of their lives (and their partners’).

Lema Abeng blogs on www.blogface2face.com

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