An Unwillingness to Respect Differences: The Arab Spring and How we raise our Children
By Imane Fawzy Nofal
Photo: Sandeep Saxena
Have you ever tried threading your face? It’s a seemingly effective way of getting rid of facial hair, especially around the mouth. To make it less painful, the advice is to place your tongue underneath the part being threaded. I have tried for several years, but have simply never succeeded … one of the reasons being my inability to keep my tongue under my lips long enough. My sensory skills are so inept in this respect. If you’ve never tried, please DO NOT! It is the most painful act you would ever commit on yourself.
When I started homeschooling my twins, I found out that I had missed out on teaching them important skills because I was only focused on feeding and changing diapers. I failed to focus much on developing their senses and communication skills. Actually, I made the common mistake of taking skills I have learned over the years for granted, and waiting for my boys to catch on without the least effort on my part.
In fact, this does not only pertain to me; it is the culture of a nation. In the Middle East, children are basically placed in the category of objects to be fed and made to laugh or played with. The best moms around here are those who try to chatter with their kids and then easily impose the TV set on them.
But when I started meeting people from the other side of the world (Westerners specifically), I discovered a new value for kids. Teaching them sensory and motor skills makes all the difference; the mere education of ‘how this feels’, and ‘this is soft, ‘that is hard’ changes how they perceive things. Teaching them to understand their own feelings and how to deal with them is a parent’s duty. When you naively think your kid should “know” that he shouldn’t misbehave when sad or angry, you are wrong. Who told you he knows he is sad and angry? They are unable to process those feelings!
What some parents fail to understand is that taking the time to instill important values and teaching kids emotional intelligence is a world full of fun and appreciation, where there’s mutual education. You are both the teacher and a student, absorbing a lot from the naivety and daintiness of your child’s world .
This leads me my next thought. Two very different worlds put together in my mind, opening up horizons of contrast and comparisons. Does not the Middle East appreciate their kids?
Bitterly, I would say, “No, it DOES NOT”. It places greater value on producing a large number of stomachs, not brains. These recurrent thoughts on the differences in how children are brought up, is a clear indication of the differences between the East and West. Globalization has no place here. Whether poor and living in slums, or educated and rich, most know nothing about what I am thinking here. We weren’t appreciated when we were young to feel the importance of our minds and voices. Not a general statement but let me say MOST.
And the final outcome of the Arab spring is part and parcel of this whole talk. Such a far-fetched metaphor came to me while watching Egypt erupt once more into conflict these past weeks between the Muslim Brotherhood (now in control) and other opposition parties. With both parties blocking their ears and insisting to fight, I can foresee a civil war just around the corner. In my understanding, ignorance is the sole reason behind this chaos: ignorance on how to be civil, to understand, discuss, appreciate, and respect differences.
Sadly, not a single Arab country has succeeded in its revolution. Not a single area has pushed past division to reach the safe shores of unity. Simply put, we haven’t learnt the concept of respecting differences.
Back to world of our little ones. Talk of how instead of allowing a kid to pick out his outfit even if his choice is not the best, an Eastern mom would beat up the child and impose what she thinks is right. It is sickening, the lack of respect for little minds in our society. In my opinion, if you cannot respect a little mind, you won’t be able to respect a big mind.
Even as I learn to be the best parent I can be, I am often torn between what I should and should not do with my kids. At this point, I have to concentrate on nurturing their feelings of self-esteem, appreciation, sharing and respect. I am drawing a full stop on my past ignorance and limited experiences, and starting a new line that opens up new horizons for me and my kids.
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Imane Fawzy Nofal is a translator, and mother of twin boys. She is an Egyptian who lives in Bahrain and blogs at Express It 2 Live It. Imane regularly shares her thoughts on human interactions and real life issues on DUNIA through her column Express it by Imane.
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