This is Going to Crack You Up (PART 2, a Black Love Story)
Image Credit: Tadija Savic
(CONTINUATION FROM: This Is Going To Crack You Up – Part 1)
You know the ole saying, “A cow gon’ need a tail come fly time”. Well this cow doesn’t have no tail, and the flies are coming….
It was so peaceful. I can’t remember when was the last time I had felt so much peace. Chris came back 2 hours later and we both laid on the couch and went to sleep. We slept through lunch and most of dinner. We woke up and ordered Chinese food, because neither one of us wanted to get up. We ate there on the couch and went right back to cuddling on the couch. I really felt at home in his arms, I don’t know if it was because I had been missing the comfort of a man or he just really felt that good to me. It didn’t matter I just reached up and kissed him.
And we kissed and kissed and kissed. I rested my head on his chest and I had to think about what I was doing, or should I even be doing it. I waited for his next move and he said, “Hold on baby let me get something.”
I was glad he moved us out of that position because now I could really plan my next move differently. He stayed gone about 10 minutes. I said, damn is he putting on a condom? When he returned, he had changed into his robe and had one for me too. I said, “Cool.” I did want to get more comfortable. Seems like we wanted to spend the rest of the evening/tonight together. I went in his bathroom and changed into the robe.
When I came out, he was looking through his movie collection. “What do you want to watch love?” he asked? I said something with some action in it. He said, “You wanna watch me?”
“Hell yeah!” I said with a laugh. But we watched Cadillac Records, it was good. Beyoncé did her thang on Etta James. I loved it.
I don’t know why but we fell asleep after the movie. We didn’t even get in the bed. Nothing happened, we just went to sleep like we had taken a sleeping pill. That morning, the sun was shining through the window and we looked at each other like did we do it? Nahhhh we couldn’t have. But it was good, we got to feel one another’s thoughts. His body felt sound, I didn’t feel any disturbances in him.
“How did you sleep?” he asked.
“I slept good.”
“You felt good,” he said looking at me with those big brown eyes and smiling.
“You did too,” I replied.
He grabbed me in his arms and we did it, just down right did it. I mean we did the damn thing, all morning. Those enticing brown eyes just wouldn’t let me go. Sex became the new breakfast. I don’t want to carry you too fast through this relationship. I want to make sure you see the cow without a tail.
We spoke on the phone and planned another evening together. He was so careful about his time. When he told me that he had to go out and do a job and I could wait for him at his house and he left me the key under the plant by the door, I said sure, I will see you later.
Before I went there after completing my errands for the day, I ran into an old friend from high school. She had run into Mr. Trouble and gotten herself strung out on drugs. I felt bad for her because in school, she was the girl every guy wanted to be with, High School Cheerleader and Honor Student and her parents were rich plus she was very pretty. She surprised me with her language when she spoke to me. I didn’t know how to answer. “Hey girl,” she said, “You look good.”
“Thanks,” I said.
Then she went off on a rant, “These men always tricking on me. I need my hit for this morning. You got 7 dollars? I need to get me something to eat.” I reached into my purse and pulled out a 20-dollar bill and handed it to her. She looked at it and said, “What I gotta to do for that?” I said, “Get you something to eat.”
“Oh I didn’t know; I thought you wanted me to do something strange.”
I just looked at her, but we will get back to her later. I went over to Chris’s house and I waited for him to come home. It was later than he had previously mentioned but he was home and that’s all that mattered. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said, “I ordered us food from Maebelle’s.”
It’s a soul food restaurant in town, great food. “Yes, that’s fine. What’d you get?”
“Oxtails and rice with cabbage and cornbread.”
Sounds good. I fixed the table and we had a pleasant conversation about moving forward with our time together. “I hope it’s no rush,” he said, “I am just wanting a relationship where I can relax and enjoy time together. You know how love is.” I agreed. However, over the next months we took things slow, not wanting to disturb each other’s lives. I still had issues I was dealing with and I spent a lot of time at home.
I guess I was not moving too slow for him. One night, I was sitting on my bed and the door bell ranged. It was Chris and he looked strange. I said, “What’s up?”
“You,” he said. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, just chilling at home. Why, what’s wrong?”
“I just miss you,” he said. “We are not spending enough time together.”
I said, “Aweee, you miss me.” I hadn’t seen him in 3 days but between work and home, I was busy.
“Ok,” he said, “Let’s go out, my friend Charles and his wife are having a get-together and I want you to meet them.”
I really wasn’t feeling it but we went and no, sir, they were not my cup of tea, but I made the best of it. They were a little too much on the dangerous side. Her name was Chicago. And what Chicago said, went. She was the I’ll cut a chic kinda girl and I didn’t want to get cut, so I just stayed back in my lane. His friend Charles seemed to be the type that will run up in your house and lay your whole family down on the floor for a Lick. That means rob you! I was just watching the show.
Chris was having a ball, he just blended right in. His movement to me was a little unorthodox but it was a house party. He was going In and out, back and forth, stopping to see how I was every now and then. Chicago kept watching me as if to say oh you think you better than us. I just smiled and took a sip of my drink. But let’s not get it twisted. I used to be a batter. I was from the ole school.
After the party on our way home Chris was too lit to even talk. I wanted to tell him I didn’t like the environment but what the hell, I didn’t bother him, I just knew I was not going back there.
That Saturday morning, Chris took me to his father’s shop. He was a barber in town and Chris needed a haircut. I had known his father before I met Chris and I was shocked to find out that he was his father. He was happy to see me with his son. He even congratulated us on being together and invited us to dinner. We didn’t go to dinner that weekend, but Monday I decided I would go up to the shop and inquire about the man I was dating from his father.
I walked into the shop, “Hey Mr. Johnson, how are you?”
“Oh! Hi dear, I am fine, how are you?”
“Good,” I said.
“Is Chris with you?”
“No sir, he’s at work, but I came to ask you something. As you know, I am dating your son. Can you tell me something about him and is he a good person?”
“Well dear, he has overcome many obstacles but he is a good boy,” he said. “He works hard and he has his own business, I am proud of him. His mother and I never married but ya’ll will be fine.”
I was pleased to hear. I left the shop feeling really excited about continuing our relationship and stepping it up since his father spoke so highly of him.
The weekend came and I wanted a different pace to things, so I planned for us to spend time at my place. I’ve been through the parties and nightlife, it no longer appealed to me. I wanted quiet and peace. The peace I felt when I first slept on his couch.
When Chris came over, he was distant, like his mind was on the other side of town and he wasn’t the same spirit that was at ease. Something was bothering him.
“Is everything alright sweetheart,” I asked.
“Sure, sure,” he said “I’m just not feeling so well.”
“Can I get you something?” I asked?
“No babe, I think I will go back home and lay down. I’m not feeling well since I didn’t take my medicine before I left.”
“You want me to go get it and you can lay down here?”
“No!” he yelled as he jumped up, with a disturbed glance and said, “No worries, can I go.now?”
“Wow! Why are you yelling?”
“Sorry babe, its this headache.”
“Okay,” I said. “Well go home and lay down and I will come check on you tomorrow.”
He left and I laid back and watched the movie I rented for us and I decided to go to bed. I couldn’t sleep, thinking of him not feeling well, so I got up and got dressed and decided I would go over to his house and comfort him. You know how we do as mothers. Well when I pulled up in the driveway all the lights were on and music was coming out the house. There were several other cars in the driveway. I noticed one of the cars was his friend Charles’. I didn’t even think about it, I just went into the house because the door was open. As I walked in, I didn’t see Chris but I saw Chicago in the kitchen frying chicken wings. I just continued to walk through the house going unnoticed because the music was loud and people were drinking and smoking weed and the stench in the house was awful.
I walked pass all of them and found my way to Chris’s bedroom. When I opened the door, there he was, the cow without a tail, he was full of flies, women were all over him, and he didn’t even notice me standing there. His friend Charles came out the bathroom and saw me. “Hey Chris,” he said, “look man.”
Chris held up and looked at me and said, “What da hell are you doing here?”
The flies flew away, I guess they knew I was the fly swatter. I just looked at him and said, “I thought I was coming to make you feel better, but you seem to be just fine. You don’t need me for nothing,” and I turned to walked away.
“Wait wait,” he yelled. I turned around and when he stood up a glass pipe fell from his lap. I looked down at it and he quickly picked it up. I knew what that was… a crack pipe. I was done.
“Of all the things,” I said to him, “you smoking crack!”
Now I’m charging out of the house and I run into Mary, my friend from high school, coming through his door, I guess she was coming to do something strange. She said, “Hey girl, I didn’t know you get down.”
“I don’t,” I said, “Chris does,” and I kept on moving.
Chris ran to the car to stop me and I almost ran over him in the driveway. All the way home, I thought, how did I miss that one. I didn’t see the signs, crackheads don’t live like that and they don’t act like him. No, I don’t believe it. There has to be an explanation, maybe it belonged to one of the women that were all over him and she dropped it in his lap. I thought of all kinds of reasons the crack pipe could not be his.
The next day Chris showed up at my house. I spoke to him through the door. I didn’t want to hear his lies. He was begging me to hear him out and that I owed him that much. “I don’t owe you anything brother, you owe yourself.”
“Please baby,” he said, “let me come in and talk to you, I’m hurting right now and I need you.”
I opened the door and told him he had 10 minutes, but those ten minutes became 3 hours. “Listen babe, I’m not a crackhead, I smoke it, but it is not a habit with me. If crack was a habit, I wouldn’t have the things I got. I can put it down at any time, and I would do it for you. Please give me the chance and I will prove it to you. If you take me back, I will give you the key to my house and you can come anytime you get ready. I promise you I can stop.”
The more I looked at him all I saw was those flies all over him and how he was enjoying it. I couldn’t bring myself to even touch him.
“No,” I said, “This is too much for me to deal with and I am not sure if this is even happening, so please just go. I don’t want to deal with this anymore.”
“Baby, please,” as he got on his knees. ‘Don’t leave me out here, I don’t want to be without you.”
“Well that’s funny,” I said, “because seems like you are just fine without me. Listen Chris, don’t try to play me, I may have been born in the morning hours, but it wasn’t this morning. Please just go and leave me alone.” He stood up and dropped his key on the table and tried to kiss me, but I pulled back. I could still smell the stench from the party still on him.
Three weeks had passed, and I had not called Chris or gone to his house. I found myself thinking of him and wanting to see his big brown eyes starring at me and making me blush inside. Was this a feeling of love or lust? I could not distinguish. I just wanted to see him and understand this feeling. I called him and we agreed to meet and talk about his condition and my problem with it.
Later that evening we met and had a soulful talk. Even though I was still in shock about the entire madness, I still felt an obligation to find a solution. Well I heard him out and he explained to me that after his wife left him for a woman, he felt emasculated and begin drinking, then his best friend Charles started him using Cocaine and then the parties started and before he knew it his pain was gone and crack had come into his life. What was I supposed to say? Damn, I was taken for a stroll down memory lane and I begin to reason and understand his pain.
“Okay,” I said, “We can go to counseling and I will help you beat this drug habit. But first I need to go see someone.”
He was happy that I had agreed to help him, but little did I Know it was going to become aiding.
Yep, I went to see his father, who had told me no problem he is a good boy and he has overcame some obstacles without telling me of his addiction. I walked in the barber shop, “Mr. Johnson,” I said, “Can I speak to you in private?”
“Sure,” he said with a forgive-me-look on his face as if he knew I had found out about his good son’s condition. “Whats going on dear?”
I looked at him and I almost cried, “Your son has an addiction problem and I came to you for help. He needs to go to rehab and it cost $1,200.00. He has agreed to go and I will support him.”
Mr. Johnson just pulled out his checkbook and never thought twice and wrote the check for Chris’s rehabilitation. I thanked him and we hugged and I left out knowing that Chris was going to be alright.
Chris entered rehabilitation for 30 days, and I went to family visits and family sessions on Saturdays. He looked so rested and had gained weight and was just how I had met him. Handsome.
Wow, the 30 days passed so quickly, and Chris was coming home. He had done so well in coping with his addiction at the sessions. He didn’t blame his wife for causing his downfall and he accepted that he was author of his destiny. I picked him up from Rehab and we went out to eat and it was like we were starting over and meeting each other for the first time. We laughed and talked like none of this ever happened. Later that evening we went to his house and we talked about all the changes he was making in his life and the people he had to cut off, Charles and Chicago being the main ones.
That following Sunday we went to his father’s family church and we praised God for our healing and wanted his blessing on us. After church we went to his father’s house for dinner and he thanked me for coming to him and he apologized for not being completely honest, and explained that he hoped I would be the one to turn his son’s life around and get him back on track.
Sad to say that track ran out and Chris’s life became under construction and so did mine.
I really don’t want to continue this story because I know what you are saying, Once a crackhead always a crackhead and I should have known better, but wait… let me explain.
Six weeks had passed and not a sign of the crackling in sight, no Charles or Chicago and no parties. He was the perfect redeemed man. He was getting more and more contracts for jobs and I was helping him keep up with the office work. We had just got a 12-thousand-dollar job and we were celebrating him being a great master brick mason. He was really good at his profession, even taught me how to lay stone. I worked with him on weekends and I enjoyed us working together and he was a good teacher.
All that week he had worked on this job and on Friday was the big pay day and we were going to Florida that Saturday to enjoy the beaches and white sand in our toes.
Yeah, he went left and forgot all about right.
I didn’t see him for 4 days and when I finally saw him, he was 6 thousand dollars short and I was 9000 hot mad but I was even madder at myself for believing he was cured in 30 days like some angel had come and removed the Fen from his body and threw it in the Sea.
I was shaken, in disbelief and I didn’t understand why he would throw it all away, our life together and his career. What was it about the drug that made him say to hell with everything I would rather have the drugs. I had to ask him, as I had my finger pressed against his forehead, “Are you sick out of your mind?” I said, “What is going on in your brain that you would rather get high and risk it all? Please explain that part of life to me.”
You know what he said to me? He looked me straight in the face and said, “You can’t love two things at the same time.”
“What da hell does that mean?” I said, “Are you saying you love crack more than me negro?” He turned to walk away, I said, “So you made your choice.” And he kept walking. I hollered at him and in my weakness, I said, “Don’t throw it all way, drugs are temporary fixes, our love is forever.” It didn’t work, he got in his car and left me standing there with the look of dumbfounded-ness.
Oh it gets dumber and dumber. After 2 weeks, I decided to go over to Chris’s house and see how he was doing. What a mess. I still had the key. He was at home in a pile of dirt, it as dirty everywhere, from the sink to the roof. He was asleep on the chair as if he was in another world. I began to clean up the mess. He never woke up until I was cooking him something to eat. He sat up on the couch and wiped his eyes in disbelief that it was me.
“You came,” he said, “Thank you for caring about me.”
But when I looked into his big brown eyes they had sunk into his head and he had lost weight. It scared me. I said, “Boi, you need something to eat so your eyes can pop back out.” This is all new to me. I didn’t know what I was doing, beside being a fool for love. I thought I was caring for a life that I believed was too good to let go, however I didn’t know that I was destroying my own life trying to save his. Now I was aiding and abetting.
How silly of me to think that I could give him a better feeling than his love for crack. I’m just going to cut to the chase because I can’t begin to tell you the many nights I waited and watched and sometimes even followed him to his destinations to acquire this love. I will tell you this, that his love for Crack was worth dying for.
One day I went to his house and I saw the truck in the yard, and I was relieved to know he was home. I went in and I called for him several times, but he didn’t reply. I looked all over the house but no Chris to be found. I saw his shoes at the table and his keys. I was puzzled as hell. I sat down on the couch and I thought where could he be.
I even looked outside. As I returned back inside, I was walking down the hallway and something said, “Look up.” I looked up and there was a string dangling from the ceiling, that string pulls down the stairs to the attic.
I said to myself, “Nawww. He can’t be.” So, I pulled on the string out of curiosity and the stairs came down and I walked up those stairs and lo and behold there he was sitting there with nothing but his boxers on, smoking crack. You know, I forgot all about the crack, I said to him, “Boi, if you don’t get out this attic you are going to kill yourself in this heat!” It felt like 200 degrees up there.
Don’t you know this man was mad that I made him come down. He said to me,”Well if you just let me smoke, I won’t have to hide.”
That was it. I was officially done. I realized then I could no longer do this. I had to let go, but not before I had one more round of rehabilitation for us. This time I needed it more than him because I had become an enabler. When I went to meetings, I was talking more than the addicts. I think it was more of a call for help.
Let me just end this and say that rehab doesn’t work unless the person chooses to go on their own. I heard all the stories of why people got hooked on drugs and alcohol and it was all centered around what someone else has done. I couldn’t take it anymore, the Savior role almost killed me mentally and spiritually. I know women who have been through this life with their companions and have done it for many, many years. Well let me say I applaud you for your strength in keeping your own sobriety. It just wasn’t worth jeopardizing my life to save his.
