Unfortunately, most of us in relationships today don’t really know what it truly means to be in love. Love is doing what is in the best interest of the other person regardless of the rewards. Unconditional Love is a choice you make to stay with your partner; it has nothing to do with how you feel about them at a given time. Feelings do fluctuate, but true love always stands the test of time. Once I learned this, my marriage to my husband of 4 and 1/2 years David took a significant turn for the best.
Here are 5 things that you could do to make a positive difference in your relationship.
1. Exercise Patience, Kindness, and Fairness
Patience is vital in any relationship. It allows you to respond positively in negative situations, to be quick to listen and slow to respond. Kindness on the other hand is how we act to maximize positive circumstances in the relationship. Love is shown by the selfless choices you continuously make that keep your relationship bonded. Fairness is letting your partner win even when you might be right. Fighting fair can be very difficult, but it prevents hurtful arguments that eventually destroy the trust built over time. Simply putting yourself in your partner’s shoes helps you fight fairly.
2. Encourage Your Partner and Believe the Best for Your Relationship
While exercising patience, kindness and fairness, meditate also on the positives in your relationship. This is often most difficult to do in times of crisis in the relationship. Instead of focusing on the problems during difficult times, shift your energy instead into finding a solution for the problem.
The best thing to do is to think about the positive things about your partner, the things you love about them; rather than dwelling on their weaknesses, or filling the missing gaps with negative assumptions.
By focusing on the strengths of your partner internally, we eventually begin to voice out things that uplift and encourage them rather than break them. Making him or her see that you believe in them even in the face of problems can boost up your partner’s faith in your relationship.
3. Cherish and Protect Your Partner At All Times
Cherishing your partner means talking about the good things they do, to them or to others; supporting their dreams, and making sacrifices to make them happy. Cherishing them could also simply mean telling your partner the truth in a loving manner.
Mistreating your partner is actually mistreating yourself. On the other hand, cherishing and protecting them at all times, builds a long lasting relationship full of confidence and trust.
True love is faithful; by ignoring the problems existing in an unhealthy relationship and avoiding to tackle issues that drain the energy from your relationship, you are not protecting your partner.
Think about how you would love your partner to behave behind your back and do it. If you both do the same, then you both have each other’s back.
4. Promote Intimacy In Your Relationship
The energy you put into getting him/her in the beginning, ought to be tripled to keep them. Unfortunately, once we get into relationships, the tendency is to revert back to our comfort zones where we don’t care how we look or act.
Set time aside to spend quality time together outside of your normal daily routines. Choose to surprise your partner with different fun activities. For example, a candle lit dinner with his favorite dish, a rose bath, picnic at the park, etc.
Take care of yourself to look attractive and appealing to him/her at all times.
5. Make the Last Time You Saw Him/Her the Most Memorable Times of Their Day
Leaving a lasting impression on your partner occupies their mind through out most of the day until they see you again.
Always make sure that you two do not part with an argument or any problems hanging over you. Seek to leave your partner in a comfortable place where they know that you still care about them irrespective of the circumstances. It can be done with a simple kiss, by telling them how much you love them, murmuring the little niceties or doing that special thing you know he/she likes you to do to them.
I hope this helps.
Join mailing list for updates and monthly newsletters
Omg,i feel guilty for most parts of this article. This is a wonderful article which reminds us especially of the things we turn to ignore in our relationships. Thumbs up Irene…hope to get more from you.
Thank you so much dear… Hope you stop by soon. Check out my next article next week
This is a great and very inspirational article. Needless to say most often we go into relationships for the wrong reasons but if we could for once defer from our selfish motives and focus on our partners’ best interest, I personally believe there’ll be less breakups, divorces and sour relationships. I can personally relate to this article in more ways than one, first from a Christian perspective with an obligation to walk in unconditional love as a child of God. Some may say what is unconditional love? It is as the article perfectly describes it as the act of loving another no matter what. It is when we decide to make it our responsibility to treat another with respect, in humility, with love, kindness and compassion no matter what. It is not our responsibility how we are treated but our obligation how we treat others. Once we can zero in on this concept walking in unconditional love becomes fairly easy. From a human perspective there is a saying that goes “goes around comes around” if we forget about the “me and I” factor and focus on the “you” factor it becomes easy to attract the same treatment towards us.
Again this is a timely article and boy I tell you it is like my write on paper…beautiful and each person single, married, dating or just taking a break should save a copy. Job well done
Sharon “the rose”
waoh what a great article??…..You touch all the points that make up a good relationship.Ill always come back to seek guidiance from your article.
Keep up
I am humbled stranger. Hope this blesses u. Thanks and stop by to read my other articles and other exciting articles on Dunia.com.
You may want to subscribe to the magazine to get even more articles that will inspire and educate you.
WOW this is great!! these are the key elements in a relationship. am not sure if i have been able to keep these roles in my life so far but i will try to do that. the most chanllenging of all i think is patience because if you are patient and willing to go through situations and circumstances just to make sure that your relationship works then you will be kind and fair, you will encourage your partner, cherish and protect them and the others….this is a great article…God bless you for the inspiration
Rita, I am honored to have you stop by always.
Thanks for being a Dunia reader and supporter. Come back for more inspired articles written with you in mind.
Much love
Tears to my eyes….You are right Irene…
Mmmm princess… I love you. Thank God for you always. Your stopping to support means a lot to me.
may GOD bless you with more efforts to touch and streghten relationships,broken marriages and would be relationships in Jesus name
Amen my brother.. thanks for stopping by. We love to have you
Nice article written to the point. Like a real relationship coach, Irene offers us some commonsense prescriptions to maintain a sane and successful relationship while retaining the attention and love of our partners. I agree with most, if not all of Dr. Irene's prescriptions; but I would have wanted her to go a little deeper in exploring the "Intimacy" topic by making it more real and realistic. Intimacy is not only the candle-lit dinner, it is also (and most importantly) the time you spend with you partner during sex. Making love is the ultimate intimacy, and we should never shy from talking about it. It is not the all and all in a relationship, but a relationship will never survive, no matter how much the partners love one another, if they cannot find mutual satisfaction in their sexual lives. So, in talking intimacy, one point of advice could be to make sure one always focuses on satisfying one's partner during love-making, as opposed to self-gratification.
Thx Julio, I agree with u totally on expansion of the intimacy part. This was supposed to be a very short to the point article. But I promise u that I am working on expanding this and adding more things I would have loved to say in the nearest future. Thx a million for ur kind words and your support for Dunia Magazine.
No biggie, I… U have set an excellent foundation for all and sundry to explore and exploit, You can re-visit this topic several times and expand on a number of the recommendations you made here. I'll be watching you, my dear… Cheers.
THANKS MY BROTHER, YOU REALLY MEANT IT WHEN YOU SAID YOU GOT MY BACK. I THANK GOD FOR YOU.
THIS ARTICLE IS VERY PREGNANT. WILL REVISIT FROM TIME TO TIME TO BREAK DOWN…
KEEP AN EYE ON NEXT ARTICLE COMING SOON.
MUCH LOVE BRO
I thank God for touching your heart to share this wisdom with us. As you already know I’ve printed my own copy and I definitely will be printing another copy to share with a friend. You’ve been married for over four years so that definitely qualifies you to write on relationship, and as a friend who has seen the special love you share with your husband, I know that with you sharing this we will be able to tap into that special love in our own relationships. Love YOU!
God bless you princess… check my other article titled, SINGLE & FULL: Living a fulfilled life even while being single
Much love
God bless u for this and u have saved another relationship.Thank u very much.
Bless u sally, come back again . Dunia loves u
You are indeed right! Thank you for that. If both parties take heed.. you are on your way to an amazing relationship!
Gracie, How can we ever thank you enough for all you do? You have inspired readers from wzakcleveland. Thanks for your support for Dunia. We love you and keep the good work.
Wonderful inspiration. So impressed, keep up dishing out the useful tips. It will surely help some of us build our relationships in a positive way.
Ju, Did you read my other article titled, SINGLE & FULL: Living a fulfilled life even while being single?
stop by dunia.com to check on another excited article on relationships.
OMG! i love it…thanks for all the advice.You are very right,we do get comfortable when we get into relationships,n forget about the little things dat win our partners' hearts.God bless u n ur husband.U r such a big inspiration Sr I,n am one of ur biggest fans…best wishes
My babygirl, you know i love you so much. Thanks for all your love and encouragement
Very inspirational piece!
Thanks Marilyn… love to have you soon.
Thanks Irene for this wonderful piece of advice. These are words worth reading on a weekly basis , words that opens our eyes to some of the things we neglect.
Thanks and be blessed
Thanks for stopping Jerry… we appreciate you
This is so nice.
Thanks Irene.
I think sometimes,people feel that by putting others 1st and self last makes them weak.But on the contrary…its only hearts who love truly who can do this.
Belle,
Dunia loves you and thx for all. Thanks for taking the trip with me.
God bless you my friend for taking out time to write this article. Taking your time to be a blessing in the lives of others, May God richly bless you and your marriage in the name of Jesus Christ.
I am especially grateful for you stopping by pastor Walter. Thanks for the encouragement. Please come back to check other exciting articles.
My dear,this is great of you! Thanks for that reminder..i learnt from your article especially the “protecting your partner” paragraph!May God give you more strengh as you share with us! with love
Protecting your partner is protecting yourself dear…. Thx so much for stopping by. Check out other exciting articles coming up soon.
hey! my small "I" now with big thoughts. I like ur inspirations very much. I'm so proud of u only a child of mine can be this smart to have find out the ways to keep or be in a relationship. Hope u continue feeling loved and happy. I'm very happy for u. Discover more ways to stay with my son in law. I'm here for u eventhough I know u already know the tricks. Hahaha but not more than mum. I'll C U hopefully during xmas.
Ich lieber disch good Deutch right
Ich liebe dich auch schatz. Hast du recht!
Danke fur alles!
Gruss dich.
I really like it, and agree with everything you said. I think the “fighting fair” part is particularly important. I think that’s the key to the success of my relationship with my fiance, Jason. All the people I dated before him were “below the belt” fighters, and I always ended up hurt and resentful.
Maggie, I personally can attest that you and Jason are doing great. I am glad to know that you support and care about me. Thanks for all you do. Much love
Woa,i really thank God for making me know you. You are such an inspiring person, im short of words don’t really kn what to say.But im gonna stick with them on my daily basis especially ways number 1 and 3 cos those are the key things to built up a long lasting relationship.Thanks a bunch and remain bless everyday of you life
LOVE indeed conquers all negativity. How I wish many out there apply these principles. The principle of PATIENCE AND KINDNESS is really lacking in many relationships. If I were to be asked to give my own opinion about this peace of work, I will advice that you organise a seminar and teach on this particular topic and also will like to have a paper copy of it. My homes will be rebuilt if they put these words into practice. How can I help spread this?
CONGRATULATIONS BIG SISTER.
May God bless you Irene of your topic it will help many relationships, even me i will put it in practice, 5 way to have your partner heart may God give you long life.
Hey Irene,
This is a wonderful piece of work! What touched me the most was the part where you said ‘unconditional love is a choice you make to stay with your partner and not how you feel about them at a given time’. This, i believe, is very essential and should be at the core of every relationship. You are totally right when you say feelings fluctuate. We should be able to love our partners even during those times when they irritate us. Moreover, no one is perfect . Some people recite vows during their weddings and get married for better or for worse but the moment the ‘worse’ comes around they are asking for a divorce instead of making an effort to find solutions to problems.
Also, i agree with you when you say ‘once we get into a relationship, we get back to our comfort zone where we don’t care how we look or act’ . This, unfortunately is a common trend in some relationships. Soon enough, the lady/guy starts looking around at the more attractive girl/guy out there.
Good job Irene, keep up the good work!! We will be looking out for more of your inspiring messages.
You of all people make me very proud. I do admire you and the little things you do for your darling. You are a great woman with principles and Dunia is happy to have you stop by. Thanks for your support.
Please come back often to read more exciting articles.
Check out my next article coming up soon.
Much love
That is what I am talking about.I thank God for ur life girl.I love ur inspiration keep it up, for God is with u and will use u girl.Thanks.
Thank you Rogers. Thanks fro stopping by. Thanks for believing and your support.
Check out my other articles and new ones coming soon.
Thanks alot for the advice.It really came at the right time and has answered many questions i had been pondering on.
please could you expansiate on the statement below?
The energy you put into getting him/her in the beginning, ought to be tripled to keep them.
thanks alot and be blessed
hey mum, thanks for your support and love. That sentence simply means that we should discover new things to do for or with our partner everyday to keep the fun in the relationship. When we first meet our partners, we are very excited and looking for new ways to please them. Same or more should be done after we get them. That is just as simple as that. Hope I answered your quest. Ask more if you have. Love u
An inspirational piece my dear sis. Thanks for making me see some things through a different perspective.
My babygirl, thx for stopping by. Always a pleasure to have u
I really enjoy what you write about here. We try and visit your blog every day so keep up the good articles!
Thanks honey, check new ones coming up soon. Dunia ia glad to have you back
WOW, you said it all. I mean ALL.And i love it.Thank God for using you to do such an amazing job.I'll stick to these words for perfect results.God bless you more.Keep up.Just go on with those good articles.Cheers
OMG, my own very little brother,,, I am in awe… Where did you see this article? On Hi5?
Thanks for your love, I am proud of you.
Your support means a lot to me.
As promissed..,here i am.. Wow girl.. you made it look like ABC…Things being said.. it was a wonderful article.. Just left on each and everyone to put it in practice applying it their own way.. based on your wonderful guide lines…
Number 2 is my favourite….;-)
Thanks for sharing Irene…
Bless your heart..
Maureen, I am especially thankful for you stopping by. May God bless you and give you the desires of your heart, I pray.
keep coming back.
Blessings,
Irene
Do you have a facebook page?
Yes, under Darenehope..
Thanks for stopping by…
Thanks for the post, do you have any other similar related posts?
Check my other article titled, SINGLE & FULL: Living a fulfilled life even while being single.
Thanks so much for stopping by.. check my next article on related topic beginning next week.
Yes Robots, check out my other articles
> "6 Steps to keeping your woman happy" which must women also tapped into.
and,
> Single and fulfilled, How to live a fulfilled life even while being single.
You can check out other interesting articles too by Dunia's great writers who take the time to write with you in mind.
Thanks for stopping by. Hope to see you more often.
Itz a pleasure
Love all the opinions expressed here! How is everyone? Love how everyone expresses whatr they feel 🙂
Very important is that it blesses people in different ways. Thanks for stopping by.
Please, check my other article, SINGLE & FULL: Living a fulfilled life even while being single
More coming soon
The pagerank of my blog is 3 now!And I find that my blog has the same topis with you.Can I exchange links with you?
Thanks for stopping by. You can share this article with your friends. check out more exciting articles on Dunia. com.
subcribe for Dunia to read this article on print.
Also check out my other articles coming up soon
Mucho thanks for helpful information. Please keep up the great work. I will be coming back lots.
Thanks walter, Glad it blesses u. Please stop by for more.
check out my other article, SINGLE & FULL: Living a fulfilled life even while being single.
Check out more interesting articles coming up next week.
Wow!mum, na so you don go far. Your are blessed my dear. I love your article and please keep it up.Wishing everyone puts it in to practice and apply it their own way.The good lord will continue to bless u. Keep it up for i know you are a very smart woman.
Love u all. Your big Vivian S
Thanks Ma Vive,
I am honored to have you not only visit Dunia but leave us with such encouraging words.
Thanks for believing in me and for all your support. Means a lot to me.
Keep watch for my next articles.
Much love to your n family.
Love u biggie
Thanks Ma Vive,
I am honored to have you not only visit Dunia but leave us with such encouraging words.
Means a lot to me.
Keep watch for my next articles.
Much love to your n family.
Love u biggie
Thatz cool, hope you visit Dunia more often. Nice to have you
This is so true, you know what I believe, "That when you say the best things about others, you are in turn telling the world who you are cos what comes from you is equal to who you are." Making your partner feel right is making yourself know you are right. Just keep going my dear, we need more of such to turn our world around. Bless you
Wonderful article, it is an x-ray of most of our mistakes in relationship. And this makes me feel guilty in some way. I know better to redress this. Again, thanks for knowing thi and expect to read more.
Sensational info. I look forward to seeing more.
waaooooooo my sister,am very happy for this.Patients,Kindness and Fairness,those three words have made me to realise my mistake in my relationship.I started putting them in practise the first day i read ur article and have found out how important those words are to me.I will tell some of my friends who don't know about ur article to go read them inorder to keep their home going.My dear i need more of this.
"Fairness is letting your partner win even when you might be right." This is what most women are always ready to believe, as long as they are the ones you allow to win, even though they may know the man is right. Great article.
Waoooo my dear,am so happy to read and educate myself with beautiful words in ur article.Patience, Kindness, and Fairness as u mension has made my relationship as perfect now.I will tell my
friends who dont know about ur article to read and be happy as i am.I pray God gives u the wisdom to educate us more.Am very proud of u.
Excellent points and suggestions on ways to make are relationships more meaningful. Your article is timely for we live in a time where most marriages are going under. The issue is not a lack of information, it is a lack of will from both parties to do the very things you have suggested will make marriages successful. How can this lack of will to do what is right be addressed? Keep up with the good work and God bless you.
Awww,,,, thank you so much Dr. Tangumonkem,
I am honored to have you stop by. Dunia appreciates your input and your kind and encouraging words.
Yes, both parties need to hunger for the better. This is team work.
God bless you too.
Stop by again
Hé c'est un grand poteau. Est-ce que je peux employer une partie là-dessus sur mon emplacement ? Je naturellement lierais à votre emplacement ainsi les gens pourraient lire le plein article s'ils voulaient à. Remercie l'une ou l'autre manière.
Wonderful article Irene. I seem to have put almost everything you mentioned into practice though I cannot be a 100% perfect but I realized just one thing about my ex-girlfriend. We are always very fine and live faithfully when we are close to each other but once I make a move to a different town or country as the case is now she hangs out with other guys. When the truth is exposed, she will always stand against until she realizes that that world is falling on her and then she starts asking for forgiveness and the last-chance. I have given her several "last-chances" and I couldn't anymore. So do I spend my entire life giving last-chances to a girl?
Hi Stanley,
This is very personal and I do appreciate the fact that you are open to share this. Did you read my other article, “6 steps to making your woman happy?’
Please do and then we can chat more on how to believe God for guidance so you don’t keep repeating your mistakes, or going through a circle. Life was meant to be lived and happily. The choices we make sometimes are what takes us off track.
Nice to have you and hope to read from you soon.
Irene Easterling Thanks a lot for that article.Lately I have not been that Patience, Kind,nor Fair.Putting myself in his shoe has made see things different.Merci,Merci,Merci,Merci……………..