Deception in Relationships: How to tell if your husband, wife, partner is lying

BY DESTINI WHITIS

How to tell if your husband, wife, partner is lying

Hello to all of my Dunia Magazine readers, it’s me again Ms. Destini Whitis and I thought I would just drop in and touch on a more serious but common topic for the day – Lying and Cheating.

So when I write about this I know I’m going to hit a lot of you guys’ nerves, but know that it’s all for the good. When you are in a relationship sometimes there is a lot of lying, fibbing, story-telling, or how ever you want to justify the word “LIE”. Because at the end of the day it is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. In my opinion I don’t see the need to lie, but for many it’s a way out or better still, the only way. The question is “How can you tell if your spouse or partner is lying?” and “What lies do men and women tell when they are cheating?”

Now for this topic I reached out to the people and asked these questions, the responses were not that many, I am guessing no one wanted to talk about their own experiences, yet those who commented gave great insight into this topic.

What’s the Point?

I was surprised because one of my Facebook friends commented with a response that I didn’t think I would receive, and coming from a person who is very intelligent, I was pleased. Thank you Mr. Jerry Dancer for your comment: “I don’t understand the point in lying or cheating…if you feel the need to cheat you should just leave in my opinion. And I don’t see why people lie because if you tell one lie, you got to tell another lie.”

That is so true I’m happy someone feels that dishonesty in wrong whether it’s lying or cheating.

White lies are not so innocent

Once I started reaching out more, Ms. Apraysha Hilton wrote, “If my spouse is lying he avoids eye contact & if I ask any questions he jumps up in defense or gets loud for no reason….. Speaking from a female’s perspective, I have used lies such as, I’m going to spend the day with an old friend I haven’t seen in forever, or I say I need some time to myself to get my thoughts together, or if he knows a guy is involved in the situation and he doesn’t trust them I just say he’s like a brother you have nothing to worry about he isn’t like that.”

More comments started to roll in and this one comes from my very best friend Ms. Brandy Duhon, “She’s going out with her friends, she’s working late, my mom need me to do something for her, I’m going shopping, I’m having car trouble, I have to bring so and so some where…”

Mr. Rickey Wooden said: “I can tell that she’s lying if she smiles unnecessarily or lifts her head, now that’s funny because I know someone who does the same thing, LOL.”

The cell phone is more than just a phone

Then I received another comment from a man’s point of view again on the subject and Mr. Mercedes Anderson wrote, “I think one of the ways to know that your spouse could be cheating or lying about something is when you’ve been together for a while and he or she locks their phone and acts funny when you ask to see it.”

That’s a really good one there, I must agree on that because why else would you lock your phone when it’s so much easier to just make a call instead of having to unlock it first before making the call? What if there is a real emergency and you can’t unlock it fast enough? I guess you are just S.O.L. Sorry you guys that’s not funny or maybe it is.

Still on the subject of cell phones, how many of us go through our partner’s phones, and in some situations notice there are only male or female contacts and you know your man doesn’t have that many male associates to the point where everyone in their contact list are only men … and most of the names you’ve never heard him mention? Chances are, he is hiding something; either he doesn’t want you to know about certain “friends” or he is making sure you don’t find out about his other “female friends”. We women tend to hide our secret “friends” too, we tell you that they are our sisters, old classmates from school, friends, associates, or even our mother’s new number.

Not worth the effort

My niece also commended on the subject but it seems like she asked then stated the answers, “Why do men lie about having a woman [girlfriend]? I mean if you don’t want to claim her then don’t be with her. Men don’t come to women with all that I want to be with you, you’re the only one for me, you hold the keys to my heart, you’re the one I wanna grow old with mess … because really you’re going to be just like the rest and push us women to the side like a piece of meat.”

Cheating equals inflicting hurt

This past week I know of a friend who was and is still having problems in her relationship, but for this friend what hurt her most was when her spouse told her they had met this girl, had a few conversations about meeting each other and carried the whole ideal of seeing each other out. When your relationship is going through a difficult patch, that’s what you go and do? Boy I tell you!

Whenever one partner goes out and meets others in secret, that’s considered cheating and it often causes pain and evokes feelings of betrayal.

Some will hang on, some will not. Ms. Shanice Guffie said her man put a ring on it and she is not about to let him go, no ma’am.

The truth hurts, but should be spoken

In my experience with the situation at hand, I wouldn’t know what to say or what lie to tell because truth be told I can’t lie to save my life, and if I do come up with one I always get caught, so for me I just decide to tell the truth. It’s not always what they want to hear but at least they would be able to handle it better.

Partners go through the whole “you lied to me” thing just because somewhere in the situation there is a lack of trust on someone’s part; if you love the person you are with, you should trust them with all your heart, but then for some of us even though we love the person, that doesn’t mean we truly trust them, either because they have let us down in the past or because of previous relationship hurts.

I know in relationships there are always going to be problems and challenges. What you might want to do is reach out to someone who genuinely cares about your relationship, like family or a trustworthy mutual friend. They make good mediators.

At the end of the day we all need somebody to love and most of us will take what we get. It’s not every day that lies and cheating will happen, but it doesn’t have to happen to you. If you have tough skin and can deal with it, then whatever floats your boat, I’m happy for you.

In some cases lying and cheating is a part of spousal abuse and just because you say you’re sorry or you won’t ever do it again does not mean it’s okay or it did not break the person’s heart, mind, body, or soul. Cheating and lying leave deep emotional scars that might never be forgotten. So be careful how you treat the one you “love”.

It is important that as men and women, we should also learn how to RESPECT our lovers so that they won’t feel disrespected or taken advantage of. Let’s just LOVE, LIVE, and LAUGH.

Before I go, my special people, you ladies remember what Betty Wright said about the clean–up women (aka mistresses or women of the night), “please don’t fall victim to it”.

For you men out there, ya’ll better think about Mr. R. Kelly; he told you guys once before when a women’s fed up, it isn’t nothing you can do about it.

Thank you guys once again for all of your feed back; to ones who didn’t make the cut catch me next time, this is your #1 Diva signing off.

 

Participate in poll

What is your top relationship no-no?

  • A controlling partner (35%)
  • Infidelity (33%)
  • Lying (25%)
  • Laziness (4%)
  • nagging (3%)
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