How To Tweak Your Thoughts For A Better Life

better life tips

According to dictionary.com, mindset (noun) is an attitude, disposition, or mood. Mindset affects our attitude in life and influences our personal and career oriented achievements (or lack thereof), our relationships, and life in general. Cognitive psychologist Dr Carol Dweck after 20 years of research came to the conclusion that ‘a key determinant of success is mindset‘.

The state of our minds determines how we view and interpret things, and most importantly how we interact with others. Our thoughts direct our minds by serving as the instructions our minds follow. There’s an old saying by Buddha (Indian leader) that goes: “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.”

And so, if our thoughts determine the quality of our lives, by changing our thoughts, we can create a better life. It’s that simple. This art has been mastered by the happily successful.

Here are few signs that you or someone you know needs to tweak their thoughts in order to improve on themselves, increase productivity, realize their full potential … and why not cope with an illness?

1. Constantly feeling worried and unhappy

Why is it that two people living under the same circumstances react to them differently? Why is it that some people no matter what they have or where they are, find themselves in a constant state of worry? Worried about the kids’ future while missing out on the heaven-sent years of their childhood; worried about loosing their jobs although they belong to the elite group of those who actually love what they do; worried about the state of the economy, the neighbor’s yard, unhappy because the republicans have taken over the house, panicking because this year didn’t bring as much as expected and next year could be even worse … on and on and on.

A 2004 study by economist and author James Montier showed that 40% of an individual’s happiness seems to be derived from intentional activity, which can be defined as “discrete actions or practices that people can choose to do”. It takes conscious effort to be happy, to be able to appreciate the seemingly small blessings that are bestowed on us, and to come to the realization that every point, every level in life comes with challenges and stressors, but also happy tidings.

Get a grip on yourself and refuse to be unhappy. Direct your thoughts down happy lane and enjoy the gift of loved ones and life while you have them. Consider turning off the news which these days tends to run more depressing stories than uplifting ones.

2. Feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled

This seems to be quite common due to the many roles we are forced to juggle everyday. How do you do it all and still find time to do that which is really important to you? Feeling overwhelmed is a natural internal dream stealer that has the power to demoralize us as we begin to think “well, you ain’t got the time to focus on building the life of your dreams. Just go along with this mundane life until retirement …”  The moment a person is out of line with their life purpose, feelings of inadequacy and un-fulfillment begin to envelop them. They find themselves sad and dissatisfied, irritable and low spirited.

The trick is to set goals and carefully craft an effective to-do list that incorporates meaningful activities. Develop the discipline to stick to this new schedule. Yes, this will do it! This helps you focus on different aspects of your life without feeling guilty, drained or worried; hey, do not be afraid to be selfish here & look out for your dreams.

Carefully planned days and weeks eventually add up to productive months and years, bringing the gift of satisfaction and accomplishment. By switching your thoughts from overwhelmed and under-achieved, to on-my-way you are now taking small steps towards my bigger goals. Priceless.

3. Feeling that everyone is out to get you

Your mind warns you not to trust anyone because they all have ulterior motives and evil plans against you; they are out to take advantage of you. This feeling forces you to be in a continuous state of false alert, on the look out against an enemy that doesn’t exist … except in your mind, and to go on the attack before they attack you. Victims of this condition are unusually aggressive and angry as they continuously torture themselves by analyzing what people say, how they say it and how they act … all to justify their thinking. They are unnecessarily hostile.

According to Anais Nin (French born novelist 1903 – 1977), “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as WE are.”  These thoughts and feelings simply occupy the minds of those whose intentions towards others are not favorable either as we tend to think (unconsciously) that everyone is like us.

The solution to this one is easy – check what motivates you and spend more time scrutinizing your motives and intentions towards others. Are you really that important that everyone is plotting against you? Consider getting off the high horse …

Calling people names like liars, quitters, losers, failures … just because they are not like you or not buying into your offers is a reflection of anger on your part. Before you place a label on someone next time, stop and think about “why” you are doing so … most often than not, it’ll be for selfish reasons.

4. No one “gets it”

Constantly feeling that no one is capable of doing things right is a serious sign of micromanagement tendencies and to an extent control issues – everyone has faults, they can’t get things right, they ‘don’t get it’, they are clueless, they are slow, etc.

Micro-managers are generally very uptight, rude and lonely. “Me against the world” is how they predominantly feel. Pent up frustrations lead to violent outbursts. Folks generally avoid them; the only ones who stick around are those who have no choice. Because they are so unpleasant to be around, productivity around them generally drops especially in the long run; a 2011 research conducted at the University of Louisville, Kentucky and published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that performance suffers when individuals believe themselves to be under constant surveillance, and alluded to the fact that individuals perform better when given free reign.

The solution is to focus on individual gifts and talents and to genuinely take a course on how to appreciate, respect and recognize others for who they are and what they do. A humility pill here goes a long way as well. Be aware of every word that comes out of your mouth and take a deep breath especially when feeling frustrated.  Learn to loosen up. Take lessons on patience. If no one is good enough, how comes you are?

5. Always feeling unwell

It is quite common to have a family member or friend who constantly feels aches and pains that they can’t stop talking about and which doctors can’t seem to diagnose. General malaise or feelings of discomfort (the cause of which cannot be medically pin pointed) is extremely uncomfortable to deal with, in some cases it’s a sign of underlying medical problems and sometimes just a sign to an unhealthy lifestyle both mentally and physically. Thoughts of helplessness, fear, and maybe old age make this condition worse.

Take control over your thoughts and establish a more active, and healthier lifestyle. Daily exercise and  vitamin c should help quite a bit.  Bond with friends who truly care about you and with whom you can spend happy times and have happy conversations. Engage in physical activities you like. Take your mind off life’s challenges.

In conclusion, I’ll say at some point we have all been and remain victims of our thoughts. Let’s divert our thoughts from the negative and steep our minds in positivity so that we can reap positive fruits. Take it one notch further by operating in love!

Lema’s website is www.lemaabeng.com; Twitter: @LemaAbeng

 

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