With the rising tide of violence around the world—new wars erupting, loss of lives, and bombings becoming all too frequent—one cannot help but wonder what is happening to humanity. Why are human beings destroying one another with such alarming frequency when, as we move further into the 21st century, one might’ve expected globalization, economic interdependence, and healthy competition to foster greater understanding and cooperation among people?
As DUNIA Magazine’s Women Are Core initiative on empowering women and raising awareness continues to reach more and more women, we are encountering many women who are struggling in silence beneath the heavy weight of personal, relational, and societal challenges.
Their stories reveal another dimension of the hardships, violence and inequality that persist in many societies; a troubling dynamic that often remains hidden behind closed doors.
African women are generally hardworking and resilient, but for many decades have been at the receiving end of unfavorable customs, and traditions such as forced marriages, child marriages, genital mutilation, and more—practices that continue to hold them back.
Africa, so very gifted and richly endowed with natural resources, seems to be making economic progress, but much still needs to be done to advance the rights of women and girls in many parts of the continent.
Lately, I have found myself wondering: Is the image of the African continent the (weeping) face of the African woman? Could the root cause of some of the dysfunction—such as widespread poverty and war in some areas—that we continue to face as a people be traced back to the home? What happens in societies where women are dismissed, forced to fit into certain molds, and seldom allowed to blossom into their full potential? Aren’t such societies held back by important missing components that only she is capable of bringing to the table? Don’t these communities stall? Isn’t that why allowing women their freedoms and respecting their human rights is such an important factor in the progress of societies that have moved from the dark ages into enlightened times?
What leads some men—educated, seemingly cultured, and well-spoken—to inflict mean and abusive behaviors on their spouses behind closed doors? Is it because our culture fans the flames of abuse and makes it acceptable for women to be treated like commodities and property, instead of being respected as human beings? What is it that allows us to strip our women and girls of their dignity? Why are they widely treated like objects with no feelings, and so easily disregarded as “no-bodies”?
A close look at the core cultural makeup of Africans leads us to these four common abuses that African women and girls are often subjected to:
1. Physical Abuse.
A widespread belief among many men of African descent is that physical violence establishes authority within a relationship. As a result, countless women suffer various forms of domestic abuse at the hands of their partners—ranging from slaps and punches to beatings with belts or other objects. We learned that 2012 figures cited by former South African Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe indicate, “90% of South African women had experienced emotional and physical abuse, while 71% had experienced sexual abuse”.
These statistics are not unique to South Africa; they reflect a broader systemic crisis facing African women both on the continent and throughout the diaspora. Physical abuse remains prevalent largely because cultural norms often demand that women remain “well-behaved”, and “well-mannered”. When a man perceives that a woman’s behavior strays from his expectations, he may take it upon himself to “discipline” her; a dynamic reinforced by traditional customs that regard a wife as the property of the husband.
“We women are born to suffer, so we accept the situation like that. This is the way it is in Africa,” said 26-year-old Mariam Toure from Ivory Coast in an interview with The Guardian. “There is violence against women because when they don’t behave well, the husband can beat her. If the woman does not behave well and she is conscious that what she does is wrong, she has to apologize.”
The drive for the male gender to dominate and control the household is a primary trigger for abusive behavior. Because rigid patriarchal cultures expect men to maintain absolute authority, many struggle to refrain from physical assault when they feel that their authority is challenged. This disregard for women’s autonomy is deeply rooted in social conditioning—affecting even some women, who grow up believing they do not deserve better treatment.
A recent conversation I had with a man of God (Christian minister) revealed that in marriage counseling, a recurring complaint among men in troubled relationships is a perceived “lack of respect” from their wives. In many cases, “disrespect” simply means a woman voicing an opinion, expressing her feelings, raising concerns, or reacting to mistreatment. Men raised under strict patriarchal expectations are rarely conditioned to consider their partner’s perspective, happiness, or voice. Instead, they typically react with corrective measures, allowing verbal, emotional, and physical abuse to permeate the relationship.
Overcoming this requires active unlearning: men raised under such rigid cultural codes have to be taught to view partnerships through a lens of equality, mutual respect, and shared communication.
2. Public humiliation.
In patriarchal societies across many African communities, girls are raised under the strict expectation of becoming dutiful housewives and self-sacrificing mothers. Those who deviate from these prescribed gender roles are frequently subjected to public humiliation as a form of discipline and even social control.
For infractions ranging from petty theft to pre-marital sex and adultery, public shaming has been used as standard punishment; an outdated practice that, tragically, is often cheered on by others within the community. Whether at the village square, inside a family compound, or during a school assembly, girls bear the brunt of public degradation far more often than boys.
Parents—particularly mothers conditioned by the same cycle—are frequently the ones inflicting such punitive acts upon their children. Punishments remain severe and invasive: for example, pouring or inserting hot peppers into a girl’s private parts to discipline sexual activity, stripping her naked and parading her through the neighborhood for stealing, or subjecting her to public lashings for perceived stubbornness.
When boys grow up witnessing women degraded in this manner, public humiliation becomes normalized as a tool of authority. As adults, these men repeat the pattern—publicly insulting, striking, and degrading their wives under the guise of “teaching her a lesson.”
3. Skin Bleaching.
“Behave a certain way, look a certain way” —this is the underlying message ingrained in young African girls from an early age. The dramatic rise in skin bleaching across the continent is a direct reflection of this societal pressure. In a recent article titled Skin bleaching widespread in South Sudan despite the risks, Poni Gune Shamera highlighted this social demand, noting that “there’s social pressure to use the skin creams, saying that it was hard to get a husband without lighter skin.”
For many young women living in poverty, securing a financially stable partner becomes a matter of economic survival. Marriage in these contexts is often driven less by romantic love and more by security and social status, leading women to adopt whatever standards of beauty men prefer. Skin bleaching is simply one of the harmful practices born from this relentless pressure to fit an idealized mold of attractiveness.
4 – Verbal abuse.
Children live what they see, they speak what they hear. Many Africans are raised in strictly disciplined environments where harsh verbiage is the norm. Growing up, children are routinely subjected to insults such as “fool,” “good-for-nothing,” “idiot,” “bastard,” or “useless”. Carried into adulthood, this language becomes a weapon used against spouses during times of conflict.
Verbal abuse is among the most damaging forms of domestic mistreatment. When frustration peaks in African homes, insults fly freely—women are routinely degraded as “bitches,” “sluts,” “witches,” and so on.
While women may also hurl insults during arguments, their responses are frequently constrained by a socially enforced respect for the man or the fear of triggering a physical assault. As a result, many victims endure verbal abuse in silence.
In a University of Nebraska publication titled When Words Are Used As Weapons: Verbal Abuse, researchers Bosch and Bergen (2003) revealed that among rural women, “emotional abuse, which includes verbal abuse, was endured by 100% of women living with an abusive partner”; demonstrating that physical abuse is most always preceded or accompanied by emotional and verbal degradation. While physical wounds eventually heal, continuous verbal attacks systematically dismantle a person’s dignity, self-worth, and identity. For many victims, the cumulative impact of verbal abuse is nothing short of a “slow death” of the soul.
A Vicious cycle
Even more disturbing is the intergenerational cycle this behavior creates for the children raised in these environments. Studies consistently show that girls who grow up in abusive homes are likely to end up in abusive relationships as adults (having internalized the belief that abuse is normal). Similarly, boys who witness abusive fathers are prone to repeating those behaviors in their own lives. If these patterns continue to trickle down to future generations, how do we break the downward spiral?
At the root of abuse—even among educated couples—is often a selective interpretation of religious texts, such as the biblical injunction for women to be submissive to their husbands. Rarely emphasized with equal weight is the command for men to love their wives selflessly. Isn’t it time for husbands to embrace the true definition of love? “Love is kind … It does not dishonor others … Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth … Love always protects”, as indicated in the biblical text, 1 Corinthians 13:4–7.
Today, parts of the African continent remain in turmoil—Africans fighting against Africans—while Black on Black violence affects the diaspora. As a people, we must pause and reflect on what drives this need to dominate and control—to the point where empathy vanishes, and we are willing to inflict lasting harm just to “win” an argument or prove a point. Re-examining how we treat one another in the home may just be the most critical place to start.
Lema Abeng’s website: lemaabeng.com
